blog of cheryl perreault

You are not alone.  

 This is the title of a wonderful and comforting new song written by  friend and singer-songwriter Tom Smith.  I just read that Tom had been inspired to write this song recently for a friend going through a dark tunnel time (hear his song on http://tomsmithmusic.com/?p=483#alone)

 Ive been hearing from a number of  friends and acquaintances recently traveling through similar dark tunnels of poor health, feeling bleak and discouraged or dealing with some form of seasonal-related depression. 

I know there are all kinds of remedies we give for the dark times of existence but I’d like to suggest the act of creative writing as a way of  helping to  keep us seeing life more in perspective and in feeling less alone  at such dark times.

It might sound a bit odd..but ever since I started with creative writing and  journaling of stories and poems , I believe I have felt less alone in my life.  I believe that I was fortunate to find this  more contemplative/writer self  within and became my own best friend in my teen years when I was facing some darker days…when it really came in handy to feel less alone in life.  And  when I returned to writing in mid-life (after a 21 year writing hiatus) …I have noticed how creative writing seems to unleash a deeper, more meaning-centered part of me that I am rather fond of hearing from once again.

When I write poetry in particular,  I feel very much in the company of this deeper part of  self  and welcome the  internal dialogue that I bring to awareness and that most often eventually erupts out as poem. I am convinced that everyone has such a place…a deeper- thinker/writer-self within…yet we often don’t make  time or interest in accessing it …to allow ourselves to contemplate…to listen for this voice and release it.  I was excited to hear the good news of science joining the arts  with the recent PBS airing of documentary  Healing  Words which tells the story of how doctors and critically ill patients in a Florida teaching hospital have found hope of comfort and healing through the act of writing and sharing poetry. I believe!

 Do you have a poem or piece of prose that offers you comfort and a sense of companionship? Written by another…and/or  one written by you?

Try writing a poem addressing  a few good things about solitude.   

Keep it nearby for inspiration the next time you feel  negative vibes of being alone. I’ll post a poem of my own that addresses this topic I wrote about 8 years ago titled “Confessional” …inspired by a dialogue going on in my head during a long , rainy train ride home. The poem showed itself like I was in the act of confession, although I have actually never taken part in such a ritual.

I find both the writing and reading out loud of that poem brings me comfort and a sense of good company. I wish the same for you with your writing.

   I like the journey of this poem…both writing it and reading it to others and of reassuring that came forth through words that we don’t ever have to feel like we are  really alone.

Confessional 

  

I am wandering in the darkness

of a cold and pouring rainstorm

I’ve been alone and thinking

and my thoughts now make me crazy

with internal conflict I’ve been raising

so I wander in this dark place

a refuge for forgiveness

  And I step up to the heavy door

listening, waiting seeking

  

I need confession, I need forgiveness,

I need acceptance for my  imbalance

  The door slowly opens

as I feel my fear increasing

  yet I go inside hearing

words rock and stir around me.

as I begin to speak….

 

 

 I hate that in retrospect

I sometimes see myself in old ways

like when I was a  girl

when my mind was never on straight

seeing people from my past

who bring me back

smear the memories in my face

it is my fault I know

it makes me so ashamed

to see mistakes I’ve made

But I love the transformation

that I constantly am making

love to watch the way

my life unfolds on this path

that I am taking

  to feel the wisdom and the hindsight

of my past shine  to guide me…

like a flashlight

 

I love to be silly and giddy in my mind

I love to pretend and laugh and skip a step

I feel the child so close in me

like a shadow from behind

I like to look back and catch it when I can

there is so much somber and serious before me

I feel it deep around me

so I like to walk backwards

from time to time

in a crazy crooked line

  

  

But I hate to make mistakes

take chances

then feel like a silly stupid child 

doer of unthinking things

when  impulsive ways got the better of me

cause me to hang my head…feel disgrace

like a child who throws a rock that hits a window

when just meaning for it to fly  in outer space

 

 

I hate when I fuss over my clothing

stare at my closet and wonder what to wear

worry about the hair I might be losing

seeing it turn up on my face instead somewhere

Sometimes wanting to be monk-like

wear a sack of black

chanting in a dark place

while I slowly shave my head

but I love that when I enter a room

once in a while …after all these years

I can still turn your head and make you smile

 

I hate to let go of my youth

see myself as aging

watch the wrinkles start to grow

try to cover age with band-aids

to think that someday

I’ll have to  grow back to the ways of babies

rely on someone else to feed me wipe my drool

tell me to behave

prepare me in my weakened  state

to let go of  my life

I hate to think I’ll have to be that brave

  

But I love that I am growing

calmer  wiser, stronger in my older age

and that I now magnify

the importance

of each and every living day

 

 

I hate when I have a bad day

feel so all alone and unhappy

thinking  there is no one really here on my side

but I love that I feel solid in my selfhood

remind myself

we all feel alone from time to time

crowded and surrounded by millions on this planet

but  feeling like we are the only one sometimes

then getting past that ,

getting up, brushing our knees off

looking around us

seeing the connections

we’ve made along the way

that we are truly blessed with

and move on to yet another day

 

 

There I have said it all

all that is on my mind

the good and the bad

the wrong  and the right

the love and the hate

and then the coldness leaves

the downpour has turned to clear

the  darkness becomes light

my burden now gone

self doubt now left behind

and my balance restored

as I get up to leave

push lightly upon the heavy door

and walk out into the clearing

  the clearing of my mind.

  

–cheryl b. perreault

My name is Cheryl Burgoyne Perreault.

I’ve been writing since I was in third grade.
I wrote my first poem and showed it to my teacher, Mrs. Doherty. She marvelled at it for a moment, hung it on the classroom wall and told me to write more.
And that has made the difference.

Thanks to Mrs. Doherty and many other good-hearted writers and artists I’ve met along the way, I believe in the art of encouragement as well as writing . That is my intention in writing this blog.

Encouragement of creative writing.

I do not believe that creative writing was ever intended to be exclusive…but that it is on the contrary, intended to be inclusive and is in fact, a way to keep us feeling more connected in the sharing of observations, thoughts  and stories of our human condition. I do not believe that such writing is only for the privileged or the most intelligent or the best educated out there.  I believe we all have deep thinker/writer souls within us waiting to be released.

I furthermore believe that the writing of poetry, prose and songs…creative writing…  can be one of the  most direct, connecting ways of accessing and expressing our deeper contemplations through art.  I also believe if we  accessed these contemplations and shared them out more, we might be contributing to a better world vibe over all. We’d be allowing ourselves to care, to make aware, to share wisdom, experience and stories …and facilitate understanding of one another, of what is hard to understand or cope with in this world…and what is good in the world as well.

No matter if it is mulling over what traumatic thing  happened to a soldier in World War II, what went wrong between two young lovers, how an elderly woman becomes stifled by dementia,  parents rejoicing the arrival of a newborn baby, staring at the captivating power of a roaring ocean wave , walking through a pounding rainstorm alone or looking up close at a tiny, humble, gentle bumble bee stumbling upon a flower…there is the potential for this deeper magnification and awareness for us to access and share and grow  from.

These days, that is what I am most excited about with creative writing. That it not only is a beautiful, thought-inspired, sometimes adventurously-outspoken or quietly- meditative artform that can be read quietly to oneself or through burst of song or exclamatory monologue to a crowd… but that the reading and writing and sharing it with one another can actually be of mind/body benefit to us individually and to us as community as well.

Maybe that is the psychologist in me…maybe the evangelist in me, maybe the teacher…maybe even the perhaps evolution-imprinted  “it’s good for you” mothering mantra  in me even….I don’t care enough to probe that now. I’m just eager to make the most of quiet moments in each day…to put some time aside to read more, write more and hopefully like Mrs. Doherty of third grade…encourage others more to find the deeper thinker within and feel the good things that come from taking time to release such thoughts, concerns and joys through the art of writing… specifically of  poetry and prose.

And that is why I am starting this blog.

I welcome  myself then to “Blogland” and I welcome you to join me.